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[Sepulturero]

Arabo
An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.

Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels

Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

Consul: Man,...isn ' t it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

[Sepulturero]

Human needs
A woman and two men get stranded on an island. They manage to find food, water and create a shelter for themselves. But after a while, they get a bit restless and well, they're only human and they have certain 'needs' so they ... do the deed

After a few weeks of this, the woman starts to feel very guilty and embarassed (she had been saving herself for the perfect man) so she kills herself.

So the two men are left and well, they're only human and they have certain 'needs' so they ... do the deed

After a few weeks of this, the two men start to feel very guilty and embarassed, so they bury her

[Speedometer]

Arabo
An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.

Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels

Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

Consul: Man,...isn ' t it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

nice one dude nyahahahaha! funny!

[Speedometer]

Green Jokes
May isang bata na hilig talaga ay paglalaro sa labas ng kanilang bahay..
ayaw syang payagan ng kanyang ina na maglaro sa labas dahil kung anu-anong kabulastugang mga salita ang naririnig ng kanyang anak.

isang umagang naglalaro ang bata sa labas nakarinig na lang sya ng mga salitang:

Kapitbahay1: PUT*** I**
Kapitbahay2: PUT*** I** mo din

Kinagabihan:

Bata: Nay, ano po ba ang ibig sabihin ng PUT*** I**??
Nanay: ah.. wala yun anak wag mong intindihin yun.. ang ibig sabihin lang nun ay magandang umaga..
Bata: ahhhh.. yun po ba??

Kinabukasan:

chismosa1:uy!! alam mo ba nahuli pala ni mare si pare at yung kumare nila na nagkakant*t*n sa bahay nila?
chismosa2:ha?? nakakahiya naman sila..

Kinagabihan:

Bata: nay, ano po ba ang ibig sabihin ng nagkakant*t*n?
Nanay: Ah.. wala yun anak, ang ibig sabihin lang nun ei natutulog..

Kinabukasan:

Boy1: pare alam mo ba sabi ng kaibigan ko maganda daw sa kaulusugan ang pagjajak**l..
Boy2:wag kang maniwala sa kaibigan mo pare...

Kinagabihan:

Bata: nay, ano po ba ang ibig sabihin ng pagjajak**l?
Nanay: wala yun anak.. ang ibig lang sabihin nun ei tumuloy sa bahay..
Bata: ahh yun po pala ang ibig sabihin nun..

Kinabukasan:

Girl1: mare me kopya ka ba ng latest na magasin ngayon? ksya lang naman sila nabili ng ganun kasi dahil sa topic dun na palakihan ng burat.
girl2: ganun ba Mare?

kinagabihan:

Bata: nay, ano po ba ang ibig sabihin nung burat?
Nanay: saan mo na naman narinig yan? wag ka na ngang maglalaro sa labas para di ka nakakarinig ng mga ganyang salita.
Bata:bakit po? masama po ba yun?
"ayaw ng nanay na magkaroon ng kakatwang pag--iisip ang kanyang anak kaya nagsinungaling na naman sya"
Nanay: Libro lang ang ibig sabihin nun. wag mo ng isipin yun.

---Linggo---
naglaro na naman ang bata sa labas ng kanilang bahay. sinamantala nya ang himbing na pagtulog ng kanyang mga magulang..

--- Me pumasyal na pare sa kanilang bahay--

Pari: magandang umaga sa iyo hijo.
Bata: PUT*** I** (means magandang umaga) nyo din po padre.

--- Nagulat ang pari sa sinabi nung bata---

Pari: Abah!! nasaan ba ang mga magulang mo hijo?
Bata: nagkakant*t*n (means natutulog) lang po sa kwarto.

--- Pinatutuloy ng bata ang pari sa kanilang bahay--

Bata: Padre magJak**L ( means tumuloy) po muna kayo dito sa loob ng bahay namin..

--- Nainis ang Pari, di na nya matitiis pang makarinig ng mga ganung salita kaya umalis na lang sya pero naiwan nya yung librong dala-dala nya..----

Padre: Makaalis na nga dito, sabihin mo na lang sa mga magulang mo hijo na gusto ko silang makausap, sabihin mo na puntahan nila ako..
Bata: opo

----Maya-maya napansin na naiwan ng pari ang dala-dala nyang libro-----

Bata: Padre!! Padre!! yung Bur*t (means Book) nyo naiwan nyo po...



To readers: wag po ninyong seryosohin ang jokes na ito.. Jokes lang po 

[Speedometer]

Ang Bigatlong Madre

Pari: Sister ikaw ba yan sa banyo? Kunin ko lang tooth brush ko.
Madre: Sandali Padre naka panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, hintay ako.
Madre: Padre, pwede ka na pumasok, wala na akong panty. 

[Megatron]

  ahahaha, very funny guys!!! more

[Megatron]

GUY and his CAMEL..

There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been travelling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel.
He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again.
Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it.
He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help.
The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want."
The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash.
When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr."
After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?" 

[Megatron]

Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my panty hose!" enjoy reading!

work mode muna ahehehe!

[pedro_pendukot]

Arabo
An Arab was interviewed at the US Embassy for a U.S.A. Visa.

Consul : What is your name?
Arab: Abdul Aziz

Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week

Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : both male and female and sometimes even camels

Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too!!!!

Consul: Man,...isn ' t it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style

Consul: Oh...dear!
Arab : Deer? No deer, they run too fast!

hahahaha! more guys

[joe D dried mango]

this thread is freaking hilarious!!!!

[pedro_pendukot]

this thread is freaking hilarious!!!!

i 2nd the motion 

[pedro_pendukot]

Hair Spray

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

[pedro_pendukot]

SAFE SEX

Nag-usap sina FVR at Erap sa sexual practice nila.
FVR: Naniniwala ka ba sa safe sex?

ERAP: OO naman, sinisigurado ko na wala ang mga asawa
nila kapag ginagawa ko yon.

[kal-El]

Being malibog is natural to us. Tao kasi tayo.

So, when someone tells you, "Ang libog mo!" – just turn your back and say:

"Affected ka?! Walang gamot sa tigang…" ahehehe

[kal-El]

Pinoy seks Diksyonaryo…

KALMOT: haplos ng nasasarapan

DAKMA: hawak ng sobra sa pagnanasa

DAHAS: puwersang pakiusap sa maarteng kausap

GAHASA: romansang walang ligawan

BATI: pagromansa sa sarili sa pamamagitan ng kamay

MAHAL: damdaming nakabubuntis

O: sarap na pinipigil-pigil

OOH: sarap na ‘di mapigil-pigil

OOOOHHH: sarap na sarap na ‘di papipigil

PAKWAN: pinaikling ‘pakain ng kuwan’ 

[kal-El]

I used my head

Three guys made a competition to see who would make a girl scream louder in bed.

The first one went in, meanwhile the other two stayed out and listened to the girl moan for a bit.

The second one went in and the girl screamed a little bit harder.

When the third one went in, the girl SCREAMED! and SCREAMED! About an hour later the girl came out moaning.

The first guy asked Wow, how did you do that? The guy, all tired and wet replied I simply used my head.

post na kayo ng mga green jokes nyoooooo...ahehehe

[Sepulturero]

POKEMON

I saw a big Pokemon stuff toy in Toy Kingdom.
Bibilhin ko sana kaso tinarayan ako ng saleslady.
Ewan ko ba, sabi ko lang naman "Miss, patingin ng
Pokemong malaki."

[Sepulturero]

Mas MABUTI NA ITO KESA MAG DRUGS

may isang bata na kasalukuyang nanonod ng porno movies. nag-init sa kanyang panonood kaya sinabayan nya ito ng ng maryang palad habang sya ay nasa climax, biglang bumukas ang pintong kanyang silid, bigla silang natulala habang hawak hawak nya ang kanyang ari. sabay nagsalita  ang kanyang ama ng "ano ang ginagawa mo?" kahit na gulat at tulala ay nakasagot ang bata ng "alam nyo itay mas mabuti na ito kesa mag DRUGS!" 

[AeonFlux]

ahahaha, nawawala na problema mo pag bag log-in kana sa siampinoy, saan kapa kumpleto ang palabok. ROFL...

[AeonFlux]

BABAENG TSOKOLATE

Bata: Ale pag bilhan nga po ng babaeng tsokolate!

Ale: Babaeng tsokolate, meron ba non?

Bata: Meron po, yung tsokolateng may MANI!