pedro_pendukot
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« Reply #20 on: August 18, 2007, 02:10:01 AM » |
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ANIMALibog
Question: if you are animal, what would you be?
a RABBIT or a SNAIL?
Rabbits are the most sexually active animal and can have sex many times in a day...
while snails live 80 years and will have sex only once in their lifetime, but the orgasm lasts for about 18 hours...
would you go for quantity or quality? ahe aheh aheh
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Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening. by:Satchel Paige
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pedro_pendukot
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« Reply #21 on: August 18, 2007, 02:14:10 AM » |
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BAGSAKAN
Lahat ng bagay pag na FALL my
binabagsakan
if you FALL from trees sa LUPA
bagsak mo
when you FALL from STAIRS sa
SAHIG bagsak mo
WHAT IF kung na FALL IN LOVE KA?
syet yari kah! sa KAMA BAGSAK MO! ahehehe
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Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening. by:Satchel Paige
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pedro_pendukot
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« Reply #22 on: August 18, 2007, 02:31:39 AM » |
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COW rin nmn diba?
why do COWS get pikon when being MILKED?
DIYOSKO! COW ba NAMAN
somebody wakes you up at 4:00 in the morning
WILL RUB UR B*&^%
but wont F%$&* you UP?
diba NAKAKAPIKON? at nakakabitin PAH! ahehehe
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Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening. by:Satchel Paige
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Speedometer
“In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place”
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« Reply #23 on: August 18, 2007, 04:46:27 AM » |
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WOMENS PRAYER
o00OOoh HOLY MAN
lay down with me on a HOLY BED
let your HOLY POLE,,,,,..,.,ENTER my HOLY HOLE
so that your HOLY WATER can pruduce a HOLY SOUL
ahh...MEN!
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“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”
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Speedometer
“In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place”
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« Reply #24 on: August 18, 2007, 04:47:56 AM » |
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Huwag Mag-Sex Pari: Huwag mag-sex sa tubig, hindi ka naman isda. Huwag mag-sex sa damuhan, hindi ka naman hayop. Higit sa lahat, huwag kang mag-sex sa likod ng simbahan, hindi ka naman Pari!  |
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“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”
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spongklong
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« Reply #25 on: August 18, 2007, 05:23:34 AM » |
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Lolo: Apo halika nga, pwede bang buhatin mo ako?
Apo: Bakit po ‘lo? San ko po kayo dadalhin? Sa banyo po?
Lolo: Hindi..
Apo: Eh san ho?
Lolo: Ipatong mo ako sa lola mo… hehe.
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Sepulturero
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"I don't make mistakes, I bury them"
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« Reply #26 on: August 18, 2007, 11:32:13 AM » |
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WARNING
Wife: I'm warning you! Darating na ang Husband ko in one hour.
Poging Visitor: Wala naman akong masamang ginawa, di ba!
Wife: Kaya nga, kung may balak ka, GAWIN MO NA AGAD!!!
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"You shouldn't be afraid, you should be terrified"
"I am going, to bury, you, Alive!"
"Rest in peace"
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Sepulturero
SP Elite Member (1000+ Posts)
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"I don't make mistakes, I bury them"
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« Reply #27 on: August 18, 2007, 11:37:09 AM » |
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Endurance/Guidance
Newly wed at their honeymoon:
60 Years old Pastor: Honey, before we do it, let's pray for guidance.
Young Bride: Darling: Just pray for endurance, I'll take care of the Guidance!!
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"You shouldn't be afraid, you should be terrified"
"I am going, to bury, you, Alive!"
"Rest in peace"
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kal-El
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"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mi
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« Reply #28 on: August 18, 2007, 01:31:28 PM » |
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Maria And Her 39 Children Maria is a devout Catholic: She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born her husband dies. A few weeks later she remarries and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband. After the last child is born her second husband also dies. Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies. At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, "At least, they're finally together." A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?" The priest says, "I mean her legs."  |
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"In the End, we will remember not the words of
our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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kal-El
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"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mi
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« Reply #29 on: August 18, 2007, 01:33:01 PM » |
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Patuwad
Isang araw sumakay ng Bus si Lola
Konduktor: Lola psensiya na po kc puno na! Payag po ba kyo ng Patayo?
Lola: Tinamaan ka ng Lintek kung inabot mo lang ang kabataan ko, kahit patuwad payag ako!
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"In the End, we will remember not the words of
our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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kal-El
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"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mi
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« Reply #30 on: August 18, 2007, 01:45:04 PM » |
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Mga uri ng itlog ng lalaki…
Binatilyo: fresh egg
Binata: hard boiled
Bagong kasal: sunny side up
Matagal nang kasal: balut
Matandang binata: itlog na maalat
Lolo: bugok na, ahehehe
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"In the End, we will remember not the words of
our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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kal-El
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"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mi
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« Reply #31 on: August 18, 2007, 01:52:59 PM » |
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Golf On The Sly
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house.
"Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock."
The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"
GOOD ALIBI ahehehe
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"In the End, we will remember not the words of
our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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kal-El
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"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mi
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« Reply #32 on: August 18, 2007, 01:55:17 PM » |
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Isang gabi, may isang lalaking nagpapahangin sa labas ng kanilang bahay.
Bigla siyang dinagit ng isang babaeng manananggal.
"Ano’ng gagawin mo sa ‘kin?" usisa ng lalaki.
"Ikaw ang gagawin kong hapunan!" tugon ng manananggal.
Nanlaban ang lalaki. Nagpambuno sila sa ere. Maya-maya, inilapag ng manananggal ang lalaki.
Pagkalipas ng dalawang gabi, nakita uli ng lalaki ang manananggal.
"Hoy! Narito ako!" sigaw ng lalaki.
Sagot ng mananggal, "Ayoko sa ‘yo! Manyakis ka! Nilamas-lamas mo ang d**** ko!"
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"In the End, we will remember not the words of
our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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kal-El
Sr. Member
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"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mi
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« Reply #33 on: August 18, 2007, 02:09:00 PM » |
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Sa Math class…
Titser: Kung ako’y may limang anak sa unang asawa at 10 sa pangalawa, samakatuwid, meron akong…?
Pilo: Maluwang na pepe!
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"In the End, we will remember not the words of
our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Chupau is BACK!!
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« Reply #34 on: August 19, 2007, 12:34:54 AM » |
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Pari: Sister halika dito sa kwarto. Sister: Diyos ko! Pari: Isara mong pinto at patayin mong ilaw. Sister: Diyos ko! Pari: Tabi ka sa akin. Sister: Oh God! Pari: Tingnan mo itong relo ko GLOW IN THE DARK! nawawalang asawa Two men are wandering around SM HyperMarket when their shopping carts collided.One says to the other, "Excuse me, but I'm looking for my wife.""What a coincidence, so am I, and I'm getting a little desperate.""Well, maybe I can help you. What does your wife look like?""She's tall, with dark hair, long legs, firm B*&^%, and a tight rounded butt. What's your wife look like?""Never mind, let's look for yours. Panty Intsik: Bili kayo panty. Kapag sinuot ito, hindi kayo mabubuntis. Babae: Bigyan mo ako ng tatlo. 3 months later, galit si babae: Bakit ako nabuntis? Intsik: Baka hinubad mo Manloloko GF: Hayop ka, niloloko mo ako! BF: Bakit, wala naman akong ginagawa ah! GF: Anong wala? Nakita kita kanina, may kasama kang ibang babae, magkahawak pa kamay nyo! Niloloko mo ako! BF: Makinig ka muna... hindi kita niloloko, maniwala ka... Yung kasama ko kanina ang niloloko ko! Superman Bakit "S" ang nasa costume ni Superman? Wala na kasing medium! Napansin mo, fit masyado, di ba? Kulangot Boy: Kukunin ko ang mga bituin at ibibigay ko sa inyo! Girl: Shut up! Hindi mo nga makuha yang kulangot mo, bituin pa! Boy: Ay sorry, hindi ko alam na ito pala ang gusto mo! :DTawa lang sige mga ka SP!!! |
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Megatron
"More than Meets the EYE!.”
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« Reply #35 on: August 19, 2007, 03:21:33 AM » |
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BUNTIS DAW Anak: Inay, buntis po ako. Inay: Hindi, pede yan! Anak: Nagsusuka po ako inay. Buntis po ako! Inay: Hindi ka buntis, wag kang makulit! Anak: Inay, ibili nyo po ako ng hilaw na mangga… naglilihi po ako! Inay: PAg hindi ka tumigil Junior?! Pipit-tpitin ko ang bayag mo animal kang bakla ka!Bakla!  Hindi bale nang makita ang legs… huwag lang ang eggs." Masakit pakawalan ang mahal mo… ‘yung naging bahagi ng buhay mo… ‘yung talagang mahalaga sa ‘yo. Pero… ‘di ba, mas masakit pakawalan ang taong hindi mo gaanong kilala pero dahil sa kanya, narating mo ang ikapitong glorya? Take note… ungol pa lang niya ay solved ka na! |
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“Censors tend to do what only psychotics do:
they confuse reality with illusion.”
“Take time to deliberate; but when the time for
action arrives, stop thinking and go in.”
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Megatron
"More than Meets the EYE!.”
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« Reply #36 on: August 19, 2007, 03:26:17 AM » |
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HINAGPIS SA BUHAY
Minsan, sa dami ng problema, gusto kong umiyak at magpakamatay, lisanin ang magulong mundo at tumakbo sa malayung-malayo.
Kaso… as usual… kapag pinatuwad mo na ako… haaaay, naku!
Kilig to the bones na naman ang beauty ko!
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“Censors tend to do what only psychotics do:
they confuse reality with illusion.”
“Take time to deliberate; but when the time for
action arrives, stop thinking and go in.”
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Speedometer
“In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place”
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« Reply #37 on: August 19, 2007, 06:50:58 AM » |
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SINO MAS NAGI ENJOY??
Nars: Dok, sino ang mas enjoy sa sex? ‘Yung lalaki o babae?
Dok: Tanungin kita. Kapag ikaw ay nangungulangot, ano ang nag-e-enjoy… ‘yung daliri o ‘yung ilong?
DI KABA NATATAKOT??
Inay: Sus! Ang laking tao ng mapapangasawa mo, anak! Hindi ka ba natatakot, ang liit-liit mo?
Anak na dalaga: Sus, Inay! Kailan naman kayo nakarinig ng kiking nabulunan?!
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“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”
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Speedometer
“In love, somehow, a man's heart is always either exceeding the speed limit, or getting parked in the wrong place”
Sr. Member
Karma: +21/-0
Favorite drink
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« Reply #38 on: August 19, 2007, 06:52:29 AM » |
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PANAHON NOON at NGAYON!
Ang mga magulang noon ay konserbatibo. Hindi pwede ang ligaw-kalye; hindi pwede ang ligaw sa dilim.
Magkasabay lang, iba na ang kahulugan. Hawak-kamay lang… "Pakasalan mo ang anak ko! Kung hindi, tatagain kita!"
Ngayon… "Inay, pakakasal na po ako sa boyfriend ko, kasi, hinawakan na niya ang puday ko!"
"Naku, anak! Hindi pwede! Walang pera ‘yan!"
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“Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.”
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Sepulturero
SP Elite Member (1000+ Posts)
Karma: +172/-2
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"I don't make mistakes, I bury them"
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« Reply #39 on: August 19, 2007, 02:15:03 PM » |
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SANTA VISIT
It is around Christmas time and Santa is sitting in the middle of the mall in his big holiday setup.
He has a line of kids lined up to sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas.
As the line dwindles down, a little 5 year old boy comes up and sits on his lap.
Santa says to the little boy,"I bet I know what you want for Christmas,"you want a puppy, P-U-P-P-Y", touching the tip of the little boys nose with his finger after every letter of the word.
The little boy responds, "Nope".
So Santa again says, "Then I bet you want a bike, B-I-K-E", as he again touched the tip of the little boys nose with his finger.
The little boy again said, "Nope".
Well Santa's starting to get a little pissed off. He thinks to himself that he'll try one more time.
He says to the little boy, "I bet you want a fire engine, F-I-R-E-E-N-G-I-N-E", once again touching the tip of the little boys nose with his finger after every letter of the word.
Where to the little responds"Nope".
At this time he's really pissed off. So he says to the little boy, "Then what the F%$&* do you want for Christmas?"
The little boy then looked at Santa and said, "I want some pussy, P-U-S-S-Y, and don't F%$&*ing tell me that you can't give me any because I can smell it on your finger!"
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"You shouldn't be afraid, you should be terrified"
"I am going, to bury, you, Alive!"
"Rest in peace"
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Filipinos in Thailand
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