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[Terry Clayton]

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), "A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling"

Spelling reform should be phased in over time.

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g j" anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.

Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

[blubinginone]

This is really funny….

Let me try to rephrase them then….

******

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), "A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling"

Spelling reform should be phased in over time.

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replaced either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only case in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same consonant, while Year 3 might well abolish "y" replacing it with "i" and Year 4 might fix the "g j" anomaly once and for all.

Generally, then, the improvement would continue year by year with Year 5 doing away with useless double consonants, and Years 6-12 or so modifying vowels and the remaining voiced and unvoiced consonants.

By Year 15 or so, it would finally be possible to make use of the redundant letters "c", "y" and "x" - - by now just a memory in the minds of all the others – to replace "ch", "sh", and "th" respectively.

Finally, then, after some 20 years of orthographical reform, we would have a logical coherent spelling in use throughout the English-speaking world.

******

Did I get it all correct?  …he…he…he 
 

[Regeer Vlinder]

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

[blubinginone]

Another one. This is really getting funny a stuff...

[Regeer Vlinder]

Another one. This is really getting funny a stuff...

hahaha baka maging new era spelling master ka na 

[blubinginone]

(Heto na naman po.....break na ako after this...he...he...he)

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Certainly, this will make the civil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should clear up confusion, and keyboards can have one less letter.

There will be growing public enthusiasm in the second year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like photograph 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, public acceptance the new spelling can be expected to reach the stage where more complicated changes are possible.

Governments will encourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterrent to accurate spelling.

Also, all will agree that the horrible mess of the silent "e" in the language is disgraceful and it should go away.

By the 4th year people will be receptive to steps such as replacing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During the fifth year, the unnecessary "o" can be dropped from words containing "ou" and after this fifth year, we will have a really sensible written style.

There will be no more trouble or difficulties and everyone will find it easy to understand each other. They dream of a united Europe will finally come true.

And after the fifth year, we will all be speaking German like they wanted in the first place.

If this made you smile, please pass on to other people.

[buddhist punk]

Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), "A Plan for the Improvement of English Spelling"

Spelling reform should be phased in over time.

For example, in Year 1 that useless letter "c" would be dropped to be replased either by "k" or "s", and likewise "x" would no longer be part of the alphabet. The only kase in which "c" would be retained would be the "ch" formation, which will be dealt with later.

Year 2 might reform "w" spelling, so that "which" and "one" would take the same konsonant, wile Year 3 might well abolish "y" replasing it with "i" and Iear 4 might fiks the "g j" anomali wonse and for all.

Jenerally, then, the improvement would kontinue iear bai iear with Iear 5 doing awai with useless double konsonants, and Iears 6-12 or so modifaiing vowlz and the rimeining voist and unvoist konsonants.

Bai Iear 15 or sou, it wud fainali bi posibl tu meik ius ov thi ridandant letez "c", "y" and "x" -- bai now jast a memori in the maindz ov ould doderez -- tu riplais "ch", "sh", and "th" rispektivli.

Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking werld.

ROFL! hahaha, good one, thanks!

[ro_se]

wala pa rin tatalo sa pinoy version ng english alphabet especially in texting, we can get the message kahit walang vowels.

[Regeer Vlinder]

RESIMAY

Deer Sir,


          I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

         I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person,  Pepole really seam to respond to me well.

         I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

         I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.  My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

         I can start imeditely.  Thank you in advanse fore yore anse r.

         hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.


Sinseerly,

Peggy May Starlings



PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.





Employer's response:......
 

Dear Peggy May,


It's OK honey, we've got spell check

[Regeer Vlinder]

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
 
 
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty  uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig  to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
 
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the  ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat  ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll  raed it wouthit a porbelm.
 
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey  lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas  tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

[Terry Clayton]

Glad you liked it  and 'yes' you got it pretty much right. Well done.

[Terry Clayton]

this is great! I love it.

RESIMAY

Deer Sir,


          I waunt to apply for the secritary job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting.

         I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person,  Pepole really seam to respond to me well.

         I´m lookin for a Jobb as a secritary but it musent be to complicaited.

         I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety.  My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth,

         I can start imeditely.  Thank you in advanse fore yore anse r.

         hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.


Sinseerly,

Peggy May Starlings



PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me taken at my last jobb.





Employer's response:......
 

Dear Peggy May,


It's OK honey, we've got spell check

[buddhist punk]

Olny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
 
 
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty  uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig  to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
 
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the  ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat  ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll  raed it wouthit a porbelm.
 
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey  lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas  tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Agree with this, but only if people are edikated ta begin wit an kin spill wryt.

[buddhist punk]

Glad you liked it  and 'yes' you got it pretty much right. Well done.

On behalf of all Filipino language teachers around the globe, I apologize for blubing. Sucks to have jokes explained, yes?